Dynamics of Abuse

People who have never experienced abuse often find it difficult to imagine why individuals don’t leave and how the abuse can continue for years. Relationships almost never start out abusive. It is important to remember that love and intimacy precede the abuse, which can make it difficult to break away. Abusive relationships are not violent all the time. There are periods when an individual is reminded why they fell in love with their partner. Abusers effectively weave together intimacy and abuse to control their partners.

Power & Control Wheel

Domestic violence perpetrators rarely use only one form of abuse. As this wheel illustrates, several methods that abusers may use to hurt their victims work together to create a dangerous and damaging dynamic. When one form of abuse is not effective, the abuser will switch tactics until they have re-established power and control over the victim.

The Cycle of Violence

All intimate and dating relationships begin with a honeymoon phase that lasts anywhere from a couple weeks to several years. During this period of time, the couple generally forms a bond: they spend time together, get to know each other, share intimate experiences, and more. Domestic violence usually (but not always) begins after the intimate partners have developed an emotional attachment to each other. The perpetrator may begin harming the victim with relatively small acts of abuse, such as name-calling during an argument, or verbal humiliation in front of friends and family; then the abuse escalates to checking their partner's phone, preventing access to household income, or other expressions of abuse.